Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Sermon Somewhere in the United States of Jesusland:

A sermon Sunday morning somewhere in the United States of Jesusland:

Dear Christians, know that when there are troubling times like these we can turn to the Bible. When our way of life feels threatened, the stories and parables can be very comforting.

For example, let us read about how the Israelites were enslaved in the land of Egypt. The Egyptian empire had amassed great wealth and power and had a huge military, but God heard the cries of the oppressed who longed for justice.

God crushed the Egyptian empire and freed the Israelites. Their founding fathers decided to create a Godly Nation, with liberty and justice for all. And God blessed Israel.

Flipping a few books ahead we see Solomon, King of Israel. Israel has been blessed by God and had amassed great wealth, and has built a great military to defend it. And it says that as Israel's wealth grew, they had to build more forts and build a bigger military, to protect their growing wealth, that had to be spent more and more on defense. Hmm, says he also bought and sold chariots. So he was an arms dealer. Oh, and here it talks about Solomon's hundreds of wives and concubines and... slaves. It says Israel had slaves, after they themselves were brought out of slavery. Hmm, and here it says that the prophets told the empire of Israel that God is not pleased with their praise and worship music, and that He hears the cries of the oppressed.

Well, lets just flip ahead in the story a little to where, let's see... oh, Israel is conquered by Babylon? The great city of Jerusalem burned, the temple looted. Those who were not killed are dragged off into... slavery?

Uh, well let's just be thankful that was in the past. And thank goodness history doesn't repeat itself. Congregation, let us pray: Supply-side Jesus, we ask that God Bless Pax Americana. Bless our empire's militaries and markets in which we trust. Thank you for our Godly, Christian government and candidates, and forgive those who oppose them. Grant us oil. And crush our enemies. Amen!

All right congregation, if anybody cares to join us, we will be enjoying lunch at the Steakhouse buffet! Oh, and if anybody needs another yellow ribbon magnet for their SUV, there are some extras at the front. Thank you.

*NOTE: The previous was a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real life sermons or pastors is coincidental. And saddening. May Jesus save the church and have mercy on our country. For more on these ideas, read Jesus Wants to Save Christians

No comments: